Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Comic Con from Hell

Or more technically, the Comic Con IN HELL! My GOD it was hot in San Diego this weekend. I think the city set an all time record as the thermostats were melting. For the uninitiated, the San Diego Comic Con is the Biggest Comic Con in the world and is the Mecca of all Comic Geeks. Had it not been for Comic Con (when you say Comic Con people already know you mean San Diego) Star Wars might not have been as successful as it had been (Lucas and Co very wisely promoted the movie there waaaaaaaaay back when to show the morons at Fox that the movie wouldn't be a dude, though Fox still didn't believe them).

Phil, Sannie and i went down to SD on Friday night (i flew into LA and then we drove from there). Leo went too but he was already in SD preparing for his bar exam (which he is working through as i write this). When i go to LA, it was only in the 80s or so and that felt nice compared to the minimum 105 degree weather we've been having in Las Vegas. San Diego is supposed to have weather as nice as LA so i thought i was in for a treat. Or so i thought.

I talked to Jennie a few days before the Con and she had told me that she thought about going to SD that weekend. I advised her not to. You'll understand why.

"I find your lack of Hygiene disturbing." As quote from Leo on as quoted from Darth Vader

Now as anyone living in California (or probably any part of the US) knows, last weekend was one of the hottest weekends EVER! Particularly Saturday. Leo had text me that quote on Wednesday night which i knew it to be true (Star Wars quote #2 for the geeks keeping count).

If you ever find yourself wanting to waste 2 hours of your life you'll never get back, go rent the movie Trekkies (not to be confused with the movie Free Enterprise, starring the less gay dude from Will and Grace). See how geeky and socially inept the people act in that movie. Multiply that times about 10 billion and you've got the basic groundwork for the Comic Con. You're bringing together thousands of nerds who have no idea how to interact with women, engage in small talk, or even pick up a bar of soap! I would swear i was in France or something by the way it smelled.

Now the astute reader has probably figured out that if you combine REALLLLY hot weather and people who don't smell that good to begin with, cram them asshole to belly button (a marine term) into room after room, you'll be amazed at the incredibly new smell you'll discover (Quote #3). Man it was bad at some points.

Overall, it was a fun trip, just way overwhelming and not enough time. We got to the Con at 8 am (it didn't open till 10 and there were already over 1000 people outside the building). On leo's advice, we decided to volunteer (both to get in free, and get in faster). We had preregistered so we didn't have any problems getting in (aside from dealing with the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT sized red tape and cluelessness). That place is run about as efficiently as the Houston Evacuation during Hurricane Rita last year (sending people north bound in the south bound lanes and forgetting that there is still southbound traffic) so needless to say, it was freaking disorganized! We got in around 9:30 and i told Sannie to brace herself for something she will probably never see again (at least until we go next year ha ha). The sheer size of the Con is hard to grasp. This thing takes up every single square inch of the convention center and still looks like it's about to burst. There were rows and rows of toys, comics, games, movies, anime, Hentai (look it up), "live action Hentai" (you'll figure it out when you look it up), and various nicknacks. After 2 hours, Phil, Sannie, and I hadn't even gotten through 1/6 of the place. I guess i was in geek heaven because i wasn't hungLy, thirsty, tired, sweaty (or so i thought), etc while Phil, Leo, and Sannie were hungLy and tired and ready to go eat. It was Leo's birthday and we were gonna go to Todai (for the free birthday lunch). As a funny aside, it's interesting how July 20-28 keeps popping up in my life. July 21 is Sarah's birthday, July 22 is Leo's, July 20 is my old roommate Ken's (former) Father in Law's birthday, July 24 is his son's birthday, July 27 is my dad and Ken's dad's birthday, and July 28th is Ken's (former) sister in law's birthday, as well as Becky's (i didn't forget you Bec).

Mark and Dada were gonna drive down and meet us for lunch but in 1 hour of driving down the 5, they got about seven miles! Damn those geeks! Damn those gay pride people! (The GALA folks not coincidentally have a gay pride gathering the same weekend as the Con. What better weekend to find a bunch of confused virgins? They want to recruit dammit!) Needless to say, Mark and Dada decided that fighting geeks and fagolas in traffic wasn't worth it so they decided to go home.

Did i mention it was hot? When we were leaving the Convention Center, there was a huge line outside. We asked what it was, and people told us that was the line to get in! People had been waiting over 2 hours to get in! Holy Hell Batman! Then, we saw another HUUGGGGE line. We asked what this was (and laughlying thinking back, we walked passed at least 20 people and i settled on asking an asian guy! I'm getting FOB too ha ha). He said it was the line to see Kevin Smith (Clerks 2 came out last weekend remember?) The room they had the conference in holds 6000 people (i was in it for the Star Wars stuff 2 years ago) and i think they filled it to capacity again this year.

When we got outside, i was like DAMN it's hot! One thing you have to plan for is that every restaurant within a mile or so will have an hour wait minimum so either eat lunch at 9:30 am or at 4 in the afternoon, otherwise... you ain't eatin'! Luckily most geeks don't sushi (remember this is drawing people from all over the country/world) and the Todai is about 10 miles north of the city so no prob there. The heat never bothers me that much (i am a Vegan, the Las Vegas kind ha ha) but the humidity was killing me. I could barely eat that day and i was drinking up fluids like Pepsi was getting cancelled or something.

We got back to the Con (which was a hassle due to all of the traffic) and looked around some more and i saw the scariest costume (more on that). We still had to "volunteer" and Phil, Sannie, and I basically were door people for the Adult Swim videos. They had a panel of people who make the cartoons for that block (i've NEVER understood why people think most of those shows are funny). The thing was 2.5 hours long and it filled up a 2000 person convention room! After that we were pretty beat so we went back to our hotel and basically went to bed.

Now for all of my Asides. Every hotel from SD to practially Orange County was full, so i already told Jen not to go since i knew it'd be hell finding a room, no matter how much you were willing to pay.

The scariest costume i saw was this white chick who had more hair on her back then myself and all 3 of my brother's combined do. I kid you not, the hair must've been close to 1/2" long along the entire upper back! She bleached it heavily to try to conceal it, but that's like trying to hide a fat ninja behind a small tree. The only other time i saw female hair like that was this mexican hair dresser who cut my hair once (very badly i might add). Her arm hair was probably close to 3/4" long! Scary stuff!

An interesting sidenote is when we watched the news. It was 112 degrees! I thought it was only in the 90s! The other interesting thing is that the Con is basically outgrowing itself. The Organizers fear they might need to move it to another city within the next few years (VEGAS BABY please!). I'm sure San Diego is freaking out as this brings in Millions of dollars for them in just 5 days of convention stuff. Oh in semi related news, due to the Heat wave, California almost ran out of energy (and is still close now). I'm sure 140k people sucking up the AC and using 100k laptops and other gadgets probably didn't help!

In keeping with the Star Wars theme, i dug up a reallllllllly old email my friend Brent sent me (back in 1999, but still damn funny). It's known as,

"25 lines from Star WarsThat Can Be Improved if you substitute the word Pants"

1.A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in thepresence of my old master.
2.You are unwise to lower your pants.
3.We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
4.She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment downto retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.
5.These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where itcounts.
6.I find your lack of pants disturbing. (Easily the best one)
7.These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.
8.Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!
9.General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.
10.I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
11.TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants?
12.Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.
13.Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought onboard.
14.You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.
15.Luke. . . Help me take...these pants off.
16.Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
17.That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!
18.Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
19.Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.
20.Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong.Especially for your sister!
21.Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
22.Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.
23.Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
24.I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
25. You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.


B!

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home